I hate myself. I hate my inconsistencies. I hate my paper-thin determination. I hate my extreme lack of self discipline. I hate the mess I'm in.
I hate that for all the reasons I spout out to stay on a strict diet plan, I still fail. I hate that for all the dissatisfaction I have of my body size, I still stay the same. I hate that for all the pain I endured to alter the way people might look at me, I somehow wasted them all over something as petty and frivolous as a comforting, satisfying burp.
Urgh. Ergo, the consequence for my inconsiderate act would be the lost of excitement over outfit-picking a day before my departure, a ten hour painful jouney spent in grumpiness and self consciousness, and no more oohs and aahs due to my inattractive and shapeless appearance during reunion. Again, urgh.
But my heart is strong. It will not be dampen even by a strong blow as this. I will accept my punishment and bear the consequences. Nevertheless, everything is still not lost. I still have other reunions to look forward to. My plan starts again tomorrow and goes on until Chinese New Year and even days after, depending on future occassion requirements. But the point is, everything - these binge, these sways, these wander aways - must stop immediately. I will not encounter another failure, or die of shame and guilt. To live ugly, or to die beautiful is my motto.
I hate that for all the reasons I spout out to stay on a strict diet plan, I still fail. I hate that for all the dissatisfaction I have of my body size, I still stay the same. I hate that for all the pain I endured to alter the way people might look at me, I somehow wasted them all over something as petty and frivolous as a comforting, satisfying burp.
Urgh. Ergo, the consequence for my inconsiderate act would be the lost of excitement over outfit-picking a day before my departure, a ten hour painful jouney spent in grumpiness and self consciousness, and no more oohs and aahs due to my inattractive and shapeless appearance during reunion. Again, urgh.
But my heart is strong. It will not be dampen even by a strong blow as this. I will accept my punishment and bear the consequences. Nevertheless, everything is still not lost. I still have other reunions to look forward to. My plan starts again tomorrow and goes on until Chinese New Year and even days after, depending on future occassion requirements. But the point is, everything - these binge, these sways, these wander aways - must stop immediately. I will not encounter another failure, or die of shame and guilt. To live ugly, or to die beautiful is my motto.
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